


Doctor's Care

by fireflysglow_archivist



Category: Firefly
Genre: Dolls, Gen, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-02-18
Updated: 2003-02-18
Packaged: 2019-04-29 10:02:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14470266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fireflysglow_archivist/pseuds/fireflysglow_archivist
Summary: Mal and Jayne get sick. Simon gives them his own brand of special care.





	Doctor's Care

**Author's Note:**

> Note from alice ttlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Firefly’s Glow](https://fanlore.org/wiki/Firefly%27s_Glow), and was moved to the AO3 as part of the Open Doors project in 2018. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are the creator and would like to claim this work, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Firefly's Glow collection profile](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/fireflysglow/profile).

 

Doctor's Care

## Doctor's Care

### by Queenb

Title: Doctor's Care  
Author: Queenb  
Email: Queenb@naughtyspacepirates.com  
Rating: R, but really for no good reason except for the language Spoilers: No  
Archive: Sure, just let me know where it's going Notes: Just a little silliness inspired by being sick and really not slash, just slashy Disclaimer: They don't belong to me, because if they did I'd give them all the lollipops they wanted Feedback: Yes, Please  
Summary: Mal and Jayne are Sick. Simon gives them his own brand of loving care 

They were trying to be discreet about it. A sniffle here and a quiet little cough there, but it was becoming increasing obvious that both Mal and Jayne were sick. Neither was the type to admit to any weakness, so both were refusing to admit there was a problem, and were getting grouchier by the second. 

They had come back along with Zoe drenched, but happy from a smuggling job on a very wet and gray moon called New London for some lost and obscure reason. Zoe wasn't sick at all and seemed amused by Mal and Jayne's attempts to hide their misery. 

Simon, however, was not amused when he noticed that his medical supplies had been tampered with and he realized what had been taken. At dinner the next day, he coolly watched as Jayne went through a box of tissues in 15 minutes and Mal coughed up something rather unpleasant. They both should be in bed. They were putting themselves at a huge risk by not letting themselves be sick. Besides, if he had to hear that awful sound that Jayne made when he blew his nose, he would go mad. He knew, however, that simply ordering Mal and Jayne into bed would not have the desired effect and would probably just produce a lot of very crude jokes. A subtler technique was going to be needed to take care of the, as Simon so fondly though of them, stubborn idiots. 

"What's that?" Simon asked starting at Mal's cheek, "Has it always been there?" 

"What?" Mal asked confused. 

"That thing on your cheek. It's just that I never seen it before and it reminds me of something. Curious. I'm sure it's nothing though." Simon said. 

Everyone was now staring intently at Mal's cheek trying to figure out what Simon was talking about. Simon, however, began staring at Jayne's cheek. "And it looks like you've got one to. Fascinating." 

"What do you think it means, doc?" Jayne asked starting to sound concerned. 

"What does what mean?" Simon asked. 

"The thing on my cheek." Jayne snapped and then blew his nose loudly. 

Simon winced. "Oh I'm sure its nothing, but if you insist I'll go look it up." Simon walked out of the room exchanging the tiniest of winks with Zoe. 

"I don't see," Kaylee began to complain, but Zoe put a hand over her mouth. 

"Please Kaylee, be quiet. We don't want to worry them even more. They're going to need their strength." Zoe said, her wide brown eyes overflowing with sincere concern. 

"There's nothing wrong with us." Mal snapped, "Everyone needs to stop being so dramatic." 

Zoe only shook her head sadly and left the room. Everyone began to go about their nightly routines though Mal and Jayne were much slower than usual and both kept on pausing to stare worriedly into any reflective surfaces they could find. 

Later that night, Simon emerged from his room with a worried expression on his face while peering intently at a thick volume. 

"You were on the moon known as New London, right? And you started having cold like symptoms, aches, and cheek markings... oh wait! It's okay. It says here that the symptoms have to be severe and you're symptoms aren't that bad. It's a good thing. Nasty virus. Could put the whole crew in danger." Simon began to walk off, his nose still buried in the book. 

"Simon. Wait." Mal said between clenched teeth, "How severe are you talking about?" 

"Oh," Simon said innocently, "severe enough so that whomever was sick would need to be in bed for several days. Don't worry about. The two of you aren't that sick or you wouldn't be up and about. It really is a good thing to; this virus is ruthless, especially for woman. It hits women really hard for some reason. I love to get the opportunity to study it." 

Jayne and Mal seemed to be having a whispered, heated conversation that mostly seemed to involve them poking each other and saying "You tell him." "No, you tell him." "No, you!" "You!" until Mal coughed and then glared at Jayne. 

Jayne shifted uncomfortably and began, "Um Doc, what you say if I told you that when Mal and I realized we were getting sick we broke into your supplies and took some of the purple pills. It was Mal's idea. He said that they gave you energy when you were sick." 

Simon looked at both of them with icy, stern eyes, "I would say the two of you are idiots. That's not what those pills are for. Both of you are to go to your bunks at once and I'm sealing you in so you don't infect everyone else. Idiots!" 

Mal and Jayne slunk off to their bunks looking like kick puppies. Both upset at the fact their stubbornness had endangered the crew. Watching then leave, Simon allowed himself a small smile. Mal and Jayne locked in their bunks completely at his mercy. This was going to be fun. 

Day 1: 

"The reason you feel so bad is that those pills don't make you better, they just prevented your body from doing what it needs to do to get better. If you had let yourself get sick like a normal person, this wouldn't be so bad." Simon cheerfully lectured Mal. 

"Aren't doctors supposed to be nice to sick people?" Mal grumbled. 

"Not when their sickness is caused by their own idiotic stubbornness that not only made them sicker, but endangered their whole crew." Simon said sweetly. 

Mal glared and then sneezed several times. 

"You know, you're not quite as intimating with snot dripping out of your nose." Simon said trying to keep from laughing. 

Mal grabbed some tissues and continued to try and glare at Simon, "You're disgusting. And you're enjoying this. Sadist." 

Simon just laughed. "Sit up. I need to examine you." 

"You mean stick needles in me, right?" Mal sulked. 

"Don't be a baby, Mal. Since when have you been afraid of needles" Simon asked. 

"Since you started enjoying watching people suffer." Mal pouted. 

"Sit up." 

"No." 

"I'll give you a lollipop." 

"You can take your gorram lollipop and shove it up your ass." 

Simon just rolled his eyes. And then quicker than Mal would believe possible, Simon had straddled Mal, pulled him up to a sitting position and driven a needle into Mal's arm. 

"Swallow this." Simon ordered handing a pill to Mal. 

Shocked, Mal obeyed. Simon grinned mischievously and quickly kissed Mal on the forehead. "That wasn't so bad, was it? And the next time you misbehave, the needle's going in your ass." 

"You'd like that wouldn't you?" Mal muttered, his voice already slurred from the medicine. 

Simon, showing remarkable restraint, was able to wait until the door closed to start laughing. He was still laughing as we walked towards patient #2's bunk, but started slowing down. Jayne sick and in a bad mood was a scary thought. Simon wasn't sure if he really wanted to go in there. However, he had sworn oaths to heal the sick, so with only the slightest of hesitations he opened the door to Jayne's bunk. 

And was greeted by a sight that he would treasure forever. No matter how bad things got he knew that he would be able to look back on this and laugh and laugh. Jayne, with the most pitiful expression Simon had ever seen, was buried under the covers and was clutching what look like a doll. It took all of Simon's will to not burst out laughing. 

"Jayne?" Simon began carefully, "How are you feeling?" 

'How do you gorram think I'm feeling, asshole. Aren't doctors supposed to make you feel better. Why do I feel worse now? I knew you were useless." Jayne snapped and Simon was bit relieved that at least Jayne still sounded like Jayne. 

"I already explained that to you. The pills that made you feel better were pushing off the inevitable and made it worse. If you had continued taking those pills you could have died. Both you and Mal's stupidity never ceases to amaze me." Simon was still staring at the doll, trying to figure out exactly what it was. 

"It was Mal's idea." Jayne sulked. 

"Jayne, what are you holding in your hand?" Simon asked cautiously. 

A thunk and something was dropped to ground. "Nothing. Tissues. I don't know what you're talking about it." Jayne's eyes went from pitiful to menacing so Simon decided to let the subject drop. 

Simon noticed that the cup of juice on the counter next to Jayne's bed was untouched. 

"Jayne, you need to drink something if you're going to get better." 

"Don't want to drink. Hurts to swallow." 

"If you don't drink I need to hook you up to an i.v." 

"Fine. I'll drink." 

"Okay, go ahead." Simon folded his arms preparing to wait. 

"I'll drink after you leave." Jayne promised looking up at Simon with pleading puppy dog eyes. 

"Now Jayne. I need watch." 

"Yeah, I bet you like watching," Jayne somehow managed to leer beneath the pile of sheets. 

"Fine. I'll just go and get the i.v. with the extra large, dull needle," Simon said with probably a bit more pleasure than a respectable doctor should get a teasing a sick man. 

"Fine. I'll drink the gorram juice." Jayne grabbed the juice and drank and held up the empty cup for Simon to see. 

"Swallow, Jayne." 

Jayne grabbed a pen and paper and scribble quickly: I DID SWALLOW AND NOW I AM IN TOO MUCH PAIN TO TALK. GO AWAY AND LET ME SUFFER IN PEACE. 

"Nice try, Jayne, but your cheeks are bulging from the juice and your about to pass out cause you can't breath out of your nose. Swallow it. Or spit it out if you can't take it like a man." 

Glaring at him the whole time, Jayne swallowed the juice wincing as it went down. 

"There. Was that so bad?" Simon asked. 

"Fuck you." Jayne said still glaring. 

"Now all I need to do is give you a quick shot and a pill and you can rest." Simon sighed when he saw Jayne's eyes go wide at the mention of shot. Using the same trick he used on Mal, Simon straddled Jayne, plunged the needle in his arm and quickly ordered Jayne to swallow the pill. He then carefully tucked Jayne in, retrieved his doll, and gave the already snoring Jayne a quick kiss on the forehead. 

Day 5 

Mal was seated on his bed, dressed, when Simon came into his bunk. 

"Your joking right? Get back in bed." Simon ordered. 

"This is my ship, you know." Mal slurred and Simon quickly looked him over noting his flushed cheeks and the fact that he was shaking. Great. The fever was back. 

"I know what this is," Mal continued, "it's a conspiracy. Your trying to take over my ship. I have codes you know. You can't keep me locked in here forever. I'm going to leave and go do captainy things, cause that's what I am, the captain, I captain" 

"No one's stopping you. Of course it was your idea that I lock you and Jayne in your bunks because you didn't want to infect the crew. But if you want to leave, it's your choice." 

"Get everybody sick?" Mal asked sounding concerned. 

"Yes, if that's what you want to then by all means leave." 

"I'll stay." 

"Good. Now get undressed and get into bed." 

"Close your eyes." 

"What?" Simon asked confused. 

"While I'm undressing." 

"I'm a doctor, Mal. I've seen everything." 

"Simon!" 

"Fine." Simon closed his eyes, but immediately heard Mal attempting to sneak across the room to his door. Simon sighed, opened his eyes, and pushed Mal onto the bed, a little concerned about how much the sickness had weakened Mal. 

"I will tie you to this bed if I have to. Now take off your clothes, put on your pajamas, let me give you your shots, and if you so much as hesitate for a second, you'll regret it because there is nothing, I mean nothing more that I liked to do than to turn you over and jab this needle in your ass. Got it?" 

"No lollipop?" Mal grunted while getting into the bed. 

"No." 

"Can I have another doctor?" 

"No." 

"You really are enjoying this, aren't you?" 

"Maybe." Simon said as he plunged the needle in. 

"How much longer?" Mal said sleepily. 

"We'll see. It depends on how good a patient you are." Simon smirked. 

"I will get better you know. And then you're going to pay, Simon Tam." With that Mal drifted off to sleep with happy dreams of torturing pretty doctors. 

"Whatever you say Captain Tightpants," Simon murmured. 

Simon walked out quietly and went into Patient #2's room and ducked as Jayne's doll went hurdling across the room. 

"Did the two of you have a fight?" Simon asked as the doll slid down the wall. 

"Simon, I bored. I can't stay in here any longer. Let me out." Jayne whined. 

"I sorry the doll broke up with you, but you have to stay. You're not better yet." 

Jayne opened his mouth to speak, but Simon cut him off. "Jayne, I just spent the last 30 minutes dealing with a very delirious and difficult captain. I'm not in the mood for putting up with you right now. Drink, hold out your arm, and swallow. That's all I'm asking. Don't say anything, don't do anything, and bloody hell don't look at me with those sad eyes." 

"It's not fair that you always go to him first and then come in here all cranky. I want to be first tomorrow," Jayne sulked. 

"Fine your first tomorrow. Just shut up." 

Simon went about his business, tucked Jayne in, and picked up the battered doll. 

"He's very sorry," Simon said to the doll, "It's the fever talking, he still loves you." Simon tucked the doll in next Jayne. Smiling when Jayne immediately grabbed it. 

Day 7 

"Ow! I didn't think you were serious about the ass thing!" Mal shouted. 

"Ow! You stupid shit! That's my ass!" Jayne shouted. 

"Don't take it out the doll, it's not her fault." 

Day 10 

"Tests are back. Everything okay. You're allowed to leave your room now" Simon said cheerfully. 

Mal only glared up at him from the bed. "Your just saying that to be mean. Your not really going to let me go. Not ever. And I'm never getting a lollipop." 

"No. I mean it. You're free." 

"I don't trust you." 

"I knew this was going to happen," Simon sighed valiantly trying to suppress a grin, "Your fake hostility doesn't fool me. It happens all the time. You've fallen in love with me. Mal, you have understand that it's my job to take care of the sick and as much as it may have looked like I enjoyed yanking your pants down and sticking the needle in your ass, it doesn't mean I love you. And that slap I gave it afterwards was just to get the circulation going, it didn't mean anything." 

"You are really not funny." Mal snapped, "I safe though, right? I can't get anyone on the crew sick anymore?" 

Simon looked down feeling a little bit guilty, "No, you're fine. I'll go tell Jayne the good news." 

Simon walked out and walked towards Jayne's bunk, his fun tempered by the fact that Mal and Jayne might some day find out that he lied to them to get them to stay in bed. Still, it had been the only way he knew and Zoe had agreed that they had to be taught a lesson for taking those pills. 

"Jayne, you're cured. You can leave your bunk." 

Jayne grinned at the doctor. Jumped out of bed, threw the doll against the wall, quickly threw on a pair of pants and was out the door. Simon, once again picked up the doll, patted her on the head, and said "If you ever need to talk about your relationship with Jayne or need somewhere to go, you can come to me," and carefully placed the doll on the bed. 

Jayne came running back in the room. "Doc? If you ever tell anyone about that Doll, I'll kill you." 

* * *

3 days later 

Simon walked into infirmary, not really paying attention, and walked straight into Jayne. Mal was there too and neither of them looked amused. 

"We did some research." Mal said. 

"It's always good to open your minds," Simon said carefully. 

"We weren't contagious." Mal said quietly, but his eyes were cold and deadly 

Shit. 

"You got some explaining to do, Doc." Jayne grumbled. 

Simon, however, was ready for this. "I had to lie. It was the only way o get you two to stay in bed. You both nearly killed yourself by refusing to let yourself be sick. It was the only way I could think of and Zoe agreed with me." Simon said defensively. 

"Yeah, I'll be talking to Zoe about it. I always knew she had a sick sense of humor, but I thought better of you, Simon." Mal said. 

"Don't you dare take the moral high ground with me, Mal. You stole my drugs and nearly killed yourself because of your pig..." Simon's lecture was interrupted when he started to cough and then sneezed loudly, 3 times in a row. 

Mal's eye went wide and then he smiled a truly evil smile. "It looks like the Doctor is sick, Jayne. He took such good care of us, I guess it's only fair that we take equally good care of him." 

Simon was trying desperately to stop coughing and sneezing. "I fine, I..." Sneeze, cough. Fuck! 

"Looks like he might be delirious, too." Jayne observed. 

"Best get in to his bunk right away so he doesn't become a danger to himself or others," Mal agreed. 

They each took one of Simon's arms and began to drag him to his bunk. 

"You know Jayne, I learned something interesting when I was sick," Mal said. 

"What's that, Mal?" Jayne said cheerfully. 

"A good slap on the ass helps with the circulation." 

"We'll have to keep that in mind." 

"Yes, we will." 

Day 1 

"He looks cute all curled up with that doll," Mal commented, grinning down at the sleeping Doctor "Where'd he get it from, Jayne?" 

"How the hell would I know where he got that bloody doll from?" 

"Just asking." 

#### If you enjoyed this story, please send feedback to Queenb


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